I found a picture today. It was Dad with little Mabel Joy.Just seeing it stopped me in my tracks.
It is amazing how one small moment frozen in time can open up a whole world of memories and a whole wave of missing.
I do not say this often, but there are days I miss my mom and dad so much it almost takes my breath away. Today was one of those days. As soon as I saw that photo, all I could think was what I would give for one more long conversation with them. The kind where the world slows down for a little bit and you can just sit and talk and breathe.
What I loved the most about talking with them was how much they cared about the details. They wanted to hear everything. And they never 
minded hearing it over and over again. I think they loved it even more each time I told them. They listened like every little piece of my life mattered. That kind of love stays with you forever.
On Tuesday night, after the Grady Nichols Christmas Show benefiting Lisa Bain Ministries… after the music and the joy and the stories, I got in my car to head home. Without even thinking, I almost dialed my mom’s number. I just wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to tell her how the night went, what God did, who we saw, what made me laugh, and what made me cry.
I think it hit me then how deeply I still long for that space where I could go and be fully known and fully loved and fully listened to. No rushing. No stress. Just home.
Grief is funny. It does not always come on anniversaries or holidays. Sometimes it comes on a quiet afternoon when you are holding a picture. Or after a big night when your heart is full and you want to share it with the ones who shaped you the most.
Here is what I am learning, slowly and gently, over these years.
Missing them means I was loved really well.
Missing them means their voices still guide me.
Missing them means I carry their legacy every time I sit with someone and listen to their story.
Every time I care about the details.
Every time I choose to show up with kindness and presence just like they always did for me.
They may not be here for me to call, but their fingerprints are still all over my life. They helped make me who I am. Sometimes I think God 
uses these little moments, like a picture I was not expecting to find, to remind me that they are still closer than I realize.
Tonight I am letting myself feel it.Not in a sad way, but in a grateful way. Because loving deeply means missing deeply. And in a strange and beautiful way, that missing is its own gift.
I loved them big.They loved me big.And that kind of love never really goes away.
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