My friend was tempted to write God off. Was He worth following if He allowed the depth of pain and loss her family was going through?
As we sat next to each other on a bench, sipping coffee and wiping tears, I could feel her brokenness. “Lisa, will it end? What did I do? Does God even hear me?” My friend wanted to know why God wasn’t answering her prayers. Why her family was walking through such raw heartache, illness, and loss. Had he forgotten them all?
During the messy, broken places in my life, I have poured out my heart to God with raw, honest, unashamed pleas. I’ve asked the hard questions and waited for answers. There was no guarantee that my disappointment would be transformed into joy and delight. It was then that I had to decide whether to wrestle in anger or choose to trust. When I made the choice to release the questions and trust, peace came. Sometimes it came slowly, but it always arrived at just the right time. It is a peace that passes all understanding, and it isn’t dependent on finding the right answers or shrouding the disappointment.
The disappointment can be brutal, and pouring my heart out has never been a quick fix. It’s more like peeling back the layers of an onion. Little by little, the peace comes, but it takes time and a willingness to never give up.
As my friend wrestled with her anger, we continued to talk, cry, and pray together. At one point she looked at me and said, “Lisa, I am tired. I just want peace.” She was battle
weary and knew she would never understand all the whys of what was happening to her family. But she knew Who to trust, and it was at that moment in her complete exhaustion, she decided to give the battle back to God. I saw her body relax as she took a deep breath and wiped the tears. She surrendered, knowing that she may never have the answers, but unwilling to give up on God. She chose trust.
weary and knew she would never understand all the whys of what was happening to her family. But she knew Who to trust, and it was at that moment in her complete exhaustion, she decided to give the battle back to God. I saw her body relax as she took a deep breath and wiped the tears. She surrendered, knowing that she may never have the answers, but unwilling to give up on God. She chose trust.Life can throw pain at us like we never imagined. But in the painful places and in the middle of my tantrums, God has given me peace during deep grief. It’s a sustaining peace that helps me make it another day. And then another.
You have permission to expose your raw, hurting places to God. There is no tantrum He can’t handle, no questions that will shake Him, and no level of doubt that will cause Him to turn His back on you. That honest interaction with God is where peace begins. It is safe to pour out your heart to God. Peace comes after the pouring, and you will find a safe place to land – in His arms.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3