Homesick

I walked in the door and the smell of comfort food enveloped me, a reminder that I was home. After two days of camp, I had called Mom and Dad and said those familiar words: “I want to come home!” I was the kid willing to endure the humiliation of walking from the camp cabin, my bag packed, knowing some kids were whispering, “homesick,” as they watched me leave. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought because I knew the homesickness would disappear when I slid into the backseat. I walked into the house that day and smelled those home-cooked green beans, ham, and potatoes. That memory is vivid, and it reminds me that home is a healing, comforting place. After a tough week with so many heartbreaking events, I made that same meal, and all the cares of the day lifted. I was home.

The past few years have redefined the concept of home for so many people. For some, it represents joy, safety, and restoration, while for others, it brings feelings of pain, abandonment, and hopelessness. During the past few years of unknowns, we all feel like the ground is shaking beneath our feet. As one of my dear friends put it, “It feels like the fear is looming and the floor is about to fall out from underneath us.” Many of us are grasping for a new normal, and desperate to leave behind all those unknowns. We want to slip into that backseat and head to a safe place where everything is predictable and steady.

I recently spent a day visiting a terminally ill friend and saying my goodbyes to her–as she says, “a see you later visit.” After tears and the last heartbreaking farewell, I left with a familiar feeling of homesickness. It has been a month of losing dear friends and seeing others fight their way through tough battles, and facing tragedies in our own community. I sat at the stoplight on the way home and let the tears flow. “I want to go home from camp!” I said at one point. Oh, how I wished I could pick up the phone and ask Mom and Dad to rescue me from the uncertain and shaky ground beneath my feet. But as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt a calm assurance from the Lord that reminded me, You are home. He showed me, again, that home is not defined by the comforting meals, the safety of Mom and Dad’s backseat, or even the actual dwelling. Home is His presence within my heart that brings me back to that safe place. It melts fear and anxious thoughts, quiets the noise, and eases the sadness. I only need to close my eyes, and I am home. The Lord is with me at all times and in every place I step, His arms outstretched to welcome me back. I need the safety of His arms, especially during these uncertain days. The reality of this truth gives me a warm peace and a deep knowing that everything will be okay. (Philippians 4:7)

Home and family are the vessel God chose when He ushered Jesus into a cold, dark world. God is preparing a forever home for me in heaven, but His Spirit lives inside me here on earth and I am never separated from His presence. Through tragedies, sickeness, pandemic, world turmoil and constant change, the presence of God is within me, and this is my home.

“How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young-a place near your altar, O Lord Almighty, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your home.” Psalm 84:1-4.

This Psalm captures our longing for home, and acknowledges that the soul yearns to be in the place where God dwells. That, my friends, is our home, sweet home.