It was not the news I was expecting. In fact as I sat listening to the test results for my sweet Mamma, hearing that her cancer was no longer responding to the chemo, it was as if someone had placed a plastic bag over my head and I was suf
focating. The house was quiet. Everyone was gone for the day and I listened to the silence. Is there a word to describe what I felt? If there is I don’t know what it was. As fast as all the questions filled my head was as fast as my lips just kept uttering the words “Jesus help.” All I could get out was a faint whisper…..”Jesus help.” It came from a place in my soul that had never cried out like that before. In an instant….the sweetest presence blew over me and I knew He was there. Where I ended….He began. Someone asked me the other day, “How does this Holy Spirit thing work for you?” They asked me if it really was possible to have joy in the dark places. Today, sitting in a dark place…..He’s there. It’s as if the room lit up and I didn’t have to ask the questions because I knew He had the answers and they all made sense. That my friend is the Holy Spirit. That is what gives me joy to jump, joy to face this journey with my sweet Mamma, joy to know there is a party to be had on this side of heaven….regardless of what my circumstances are.
As we drove to the Doctor today, knowing what we were facing. Or better yet, not knowing what we were facing…..we looked at each other and we laughed! I know right? We were cracking up! Belly laughs! We hugged each other in the car as we sat parked in the lot and we remembered the scripture the Lord gave us through this journey. Jeremiah 33:3 “Call on my name and I will answer. I will show you great and mighty things you know not of.” We felt joy! We felt expectant, and we felt a party coming on. And you know me, I always have party hats in tow and by golly we wore them to this appointment. Whatever the news…..God had a party in store.
The news was not that great. One more try at chemo, and then we take a look at things then. Another plan to be tried. The doctor never knows what to expect when Mom and I come to see him. In fact he always opens up the door and peeks in first. And then he smiles. I say “come join the party!” We love it when we make him laugh. It’s kind of become our mission.
I am sitting here with my precious Mamma now. That red bag of chemo running into her veins….it’s a love hate relationship. I have prayed as it enters her body the blood of Jesus heals her. I pray we will see those great and mighty things we know not of. No matter what, we have had the journey of our lives. We have been able to minister, love, pray for, and cheer those on who are in this battle with her.
A precious beautiful young lady sitting beside Mom is having a rough journey. The tears are flowing and she is heartbroken. All I could do was put my hand on her leg and pray. She asked me for a party hat. Do I have an extra one? Are you kidding? I have a bag full! As I watched her tears dry and the laughter began…..I just thanked God for the journey He has us on. It’s a journey of party hats! That even in the hardest journeys, we see the biggest miracles. The laughter we heard today, no money can buy. Moments like these are those that shape and define and stay in our hearts forever.
The lessons I have learned on this journey with my Mamma have changed me forever. Jesus has become more real and closer than ever. His Spirit and His presence have carried me when I felt uncarriable. I am thankful He has His party hat on too. I know when we get to heaven….it’s going to be one huge party. Why not start now? Today….we are. Yes, even in the chemo unit. But that’s just Jesus. That just my precious Jesus. And that my friend is why I jump for joy….a lot! Party on!!!