“The doctor can see you in January,” said the voice on the other end of the line, and I gripped my phone, sure that I had misheard. “But that’s seven months away.”
Yes, it is, and we will see you then.”
I sat down in disbelief. It had been a day of hearing bad news like this, and I felt deflated and defeated. So, I threw myself a pity party, complete with tears, questions, and grumbling. I needed this appointment quickly and couldn’t understand the delay. It had taken me two months to get to this point, and now I faced more waiting.
I hear from so many of you who are in the middle of “the waiting”. It’s the part of the journey that can be brutal and frightening, especially when it concerns health issues. So many times we are in a situation where we can do nothing but wait. I wish there was an easy way through it, but there isn’t. God is constantly teaching me during those waiting times, reminding me of my need to trust Him through each slow-motion step.
After hearing that I was in for a seven month wait, I sat in my prayer closet and tried to pull myself out of deep frustration and the accompanying pity party. A steady hard rain
was falling, and I heard every drop hit our roof above the closet. It was comforting, and as I quieted myself, I could hear God gently whispering to my heart: Lisa, just as you are listening to the soaking rain outside, soak yourself inside my presence and rest.
was falling, and I heard every drop hit our roof above the closet. It was comforting, and as I quieted myself, I could hear God gently whispering to my heart: Lisa, just as you are listening to the soaking rain outside, soak yourself inside my presence and rest. Rest. Wait
Those two words are challenging, but I have had to act on them more than ever this year. I looked around my prayer closet that day and read the scriptures on the wall. I reflected on my vision board and began quietly singing my favorite praise songs. The sound of the rain was a comforting backdrop, and I leaned into the moment and breathed with a steady rhythm. I remembered many years ago when Mom received her first chemotherapy treatment. As the first drip began, she had also started singing.
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face.”
Even though she was battling fear, the words sank deeply as she sang and I watched the tension and anxiety leave her face, replaced with a sweet peace. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.” Mom was living out those words in that moment, and she closed her eyes and smiled. She was waiting on God because she had no choice. She didn’t know how long the wait would be or what result was coming at the end. But her response to the waiting was to soak in God’s presence, even on one of the toughest days of her life.
As I sat in my closet, singing, every breath became a little easier. I felt peace move across my body. But I had to make the choice to soak in God’s presence instead of resist. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” I could choose to wallow in my pity party, or delight in the desires God put in my heart, trusting that He would bring them to pass in His timing. Did I really believe Psalm 37:4? “Trust in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Yes, I did believe it, but I had to make the choice to let that truth change how I felt about the waiting. I could either endure the day or enjoy it. Enduring it meant I would hold out against it. Enjoying meant I would take pleasure in it. Instead of cursing the wait, I could choose to celebrate the day. Maybe even bring out the party hats! I could wrestle with the negativity and bad news of the day, or rest and let God do the wrestling. Waiting is a battle, but it wasn’t my battle to carry. He wanted to fight it for me. I could despair or choose to rejoice that God was already on the other side of the mountain with the answer. I had to trust Him to get me there, but my despair only delayed the journey. He was waiting for me on the other side, but I had to trust Him on the path.
In that quiet moment of soaking it all in, God showed me that cleansing myself from the worry, anxiety and stress would replace it all with rest, relief and peace. Once again, I experienced the restorative power that comes when I choose more of God and less of me. He knows what’s on the other side of that mountain. The answer is there, if I allow the things of earth to grow dim, rest in His promises, and soak in His presence during the wait.