There is a common theme in so many conversations I’m having lately. As I sit across from friends over coffee, they talk about the broken pieces of their lives, and wonder if they will ever be repaired and whole again. What we’re really talking about is betrayal. During this season of post pandemic, it seems to be everywhere.
How do you pick up the pieces? How do you trust and love again when the core of your being is shattered by people you thought were friends, or even family? Why does betrayal hurt so deeply? I heard these questions many times this past week as I sat with dear friends who are in shock and feel stuck. The same words kept coming back around: rejection, hurt, abandonment. I feel so deeply for my friends as they speak these words. They are familiar to me because I have been there. Not long ago, I was the one at the table in conversations, wiping tears, asking the hard questions, and feeling broken in the deep places of my heart.
If you’ve lived long enough, you’ve experienced betrayal by someone you trusted. It’s a tough hurdle to jump over, and there is not a quick fix to make the pain go away. Recently, A friend asked me how I was able to get past the betrayal and the deep hurt. Did the pieces ever come back together? She needed to see light at the end of her dark tunnel.
In my own situation those pieces never fit back together like they once did, but God had bigger plans. He put them back together in His own way, and in His time. But I went through hard seasons when I asked those doubting questions and threw pity parties for myself. It was such a raw place, but Jesus met me there. He knows what it feels like because He walked through that betrayal and rejection on our behalf. Judas Iscariot paid 30 pieces of silver in exchange for Jesus’ life. It was a cruel trap, and the ultimate 
betrayal. But Jesus saw the bigger plan, and He said “yes” to walking that hard road so that we could be set free. He was rejected by multitudes who had praised him only days earlier. He watched as the crowd turned hatred and insults on him. And then Peter betrayed him three times. The pain He must have endured all the way to the cross is hard to comprehend. But that is why Jesus is the only One who can truly understand the deep agony of betrayal. He embodies limitless forgiveness, which is at the core of how we move past it.
When I was betrayed, I found that unforgiveness keeps me imprisoned and shackles me to the offender. We keep ourselves stuck and can’t move forward into the freedom God wants for us. The hidden resentments I had tucked neatly away only weighed me down and kept me trapped. God doesn’t want us to live in that broken place, but we often don’t realize we make the choice to stay there through unforgiveness and resentment. My own experience of betrayal brought clarity when I finally turned it over to God. I let Him fight the battle and put the pieces back together, and He revealed more truths every step of the way.
Sometimes God allows situations and people into my life, and sometimes He takes them out of my life to redirect me and fulfill His purpose. Some people are in our lives for a brief season, but during that time we learn, grow, and become stronger because of it. The friendship may be temporary, but the lessons last.
Through these seasons, I’ve learned to identify what healthy friendships look like and how important it is to have a trusted inner circle of people. In my book “It’s Better Out Here”, I have a chapter about finding and surrounding yourself with healthy community. There are also signs of what to look for in a community that is nourishing to your soul.
A friend of mine who is walking through betrayal shared a quote with me: “God says you were not rejected. I hid your value from them because they were not assigned to your destiny.” I read this and nodded my head in agreement. What if God was protecting you from people who were not assigned to your purpose or destiny? What if God saw hearts and motives, and was aligning your destiny with those who would pour love, prayer, support, and direction into you? In this process, He separates out those who have wrong motives or intentions for your life. The painful season provides lessons that will allow you to carry out that purpose in an even greater way.
God has a plan for every broken piece, making the finished product more resilient. In one of my conversations last week, a friend asked, “When will I be over this? When will it all be fixed?” I told her that it’s a daily process where we make choices and trust God with every broken piece. The hurt from betrayal feels different for me now. It is formed by all that I have been through, my story, and the lessons that God has been gracious to reveal. Betrayal doesn’t mean you have been rejected, or that you will never be made whole again. In the middle of your brokenness, you were being prepared for a beautiful destiny by a God who knows how to get you there.