Tears were streaming down her face faster than she could wipe them. She was heartbroken and my heart was broken with her. I sat listening over a cup of coffee we were having at a local coffee shop. This was not the first time this month I sat listening to a conversation like this. A hurting heart over a broken relationship. “It feels like someone died”, my friend said. “We had been friends since we were 4 years old, she knew everything about me.” Her trust had been shattered along with her heart. She talked about the anger she felt, like the bridge had been burned and that’s what broke her heart the most. After our conversation, I left just asking God to help her, and to help me know how to help her. But what I realized as I was praying is that I have been right where she is. I think we all have been. Trust broken, hurt by friends or family, or someone dear to us left asking all the “why” and “how could they” questions.
I recently saw a quote on Facebook that said “If a friendship ends, it was really never a friendship to begin with.” When I first saw that I was like “cool quote!” But the more I thought about it the more I realized is this really the case? In my mind if it ended, did love really triumph? I spent several days thinking about this and praying about it. I have never had to put my mom’s favorite quote “Love Wins” to the test more than I have this year.
I thought about all the burned bridges, and what my friend said about them. I thought about all the burned bridges, and what my friend said about them. My mind went to memory of a trip we took many years ago. We were on a ferry that took us to another island for a sight seeing excursion. As the boat approached I saw a young lady waiting with anticipation and excitement. As soon as the boat came in and the bridge was down…..nothing could keep this young lady from running to greet her friend who had come to visit. They were life long friends and it had been years since they had seen each other. It was pure elation! There were laughs, tears, and complete JOY! That was one bridge that brought pure triumph and a grand reunion! I spoke with the ladies and their story was so precious. They had been through it all, some things that some might have burned bridges over, yet in all of the peaks and valleys, and even miles now, their friendship remained so very dear. Bridges were intact and what a sweet story they had. I was so touched by their sweet friendship.
If a bridge is burned, that means both sides are burned. That means in hurt relationships, and friendships, whatever the case may be, if that bridge falls down, I had something to do with it. I burned my side. This made me reflect on my own life of how many times I had been hurt. Did I burn the bridge, or did I forgive and keep my side of the bridge intact? Wow…that’s a tough one. Love and forgiveness go hand in hand. And to be honest sometimes I wanted to be angry, I was
hurt! Really hurt! Forgive? Really? God’s answer is “Yes, really.” And what I found is it takes so much more energy to be angry than to forgive. And believe me on this one, I have tried it. I was determined to stay mad. It was exhausting.
My Mom used to always say that “Love Wins” is a lesson about forgiveness really. And it’s about freeing yourself to love more deeply. It takes the burden off our shoulders. Even if the other person never comes back, if that relationship was never meant to be, or was toxic. If a person chooses to never forgive, never love, or chooses to stay angry with their side of the bridge broken, you are free. You can love them inspite of it all. And it frees you to pray for them as well, with a heart that really wants to see their hearts healed as well. And if the day ever comes for that relationship to be restored, your side of the bridge is complete, ready to welcome them back. Just like that bridge that came down to welcome the
two friends back together. That bridge was ready and welcoming to bring reunion.
I think about this illustration so much, and after many conversations with friends who have been hurt by friends, family, children…..I have thought about it even more. I know in my own human strength it is impossible for me to love and forgive to this degree. How many of us have been hurt so deeply the thought of loving, forgiving, let alone praying for the other person seems like an impossibility? One of my favorite quotes is “Man’s extremity is God’s opportunity.” My extreme is His opportunity to move in and work miracles. Sometimes that miracle is healing my own heart. I just have to let him.
And He does, every single time. It’s been put to the test a lot this year, and he has never let me down. How freeing it is to truly see LOVE WIN! Even if I never see that love reciprocated and that bridge stays burned on one side, I am ok. I know I have forgiven, am loving and praying for them. It allows me to move forward and not stay stuck. And I have been stuck!
It’s not fun. It frees me to love so much deeper than I ever dreamed. As my Mom would say “Your love bucket is overflowing!” And on the tough days, it’s so wonderful to draw on that love that gets me through. God is so faithful. I have faced some very “impossible looking” situations this year, and I have learned so much from them all. Lessons that have been pure gold that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Some painful to learn, but they catapult me right where God wants me. And there’s just not a better place to be.
I think I would change that quote to read, “If a friendship ends……love doesn’t”
Love wins….even when the bridge seems burned. Don’t give up! God is really good at bridge building….bridges that stand the test of time. Love on my friends, love on.