From creation, God designed us to be in community with each other. That truth became clear to me when a friend in our prayer group finally began sharing her story. It was raw, heart-wrenching and filled with so much pain. She could have easily kept it inside, hiding behind her mask and pretending all was well. But instead, she opened up to us after months of listening to us lift her up in prayer during our prayer time.
The abuse she endured had caused her to retreat and isolate. She feared betrayal, and her lack of trust consumed her, but for the first time, she felt safe enough to be authentic. The weight seemed to lift with every word she spoke, and strength filled her soul with every breath she took. She was finally free and would allow others to hold her through the healing journey.
We need each other. We need safe communities where we can celebrate victories, mourn losses, grow stronger and love deeper. Over these past few years, God has taught me what authentic community looks like, and how important it is to our heart and soul. Betrayal causes us to isolate. We tell ourselves that if we open ourselves, we’ll only get hurt again. We wonder if we can ever trust anyone as we try to move forward. “How could they?” we ask, and then wonder where God is in the middle of our pain.
I remember when a community I trusted wounded me deeply. I wanted to wall myself in so that it would never happen again. The betrayal shook my world, but God was present in every step of that painful journey. He knows hurt and betrayal more than we can fathom, and He is the One who placed me in an authentic community. He led me to genuine, transparent people who prayed with me and stood by me through the pain. Often, it is pain that brings clarity and allows us to see truth and purpose.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9, NIV). When we gather as a community, we represent Christ. We
partner to meet the needs of our hurting friends and make space to tell the true stories about ourselves. A healthy community makes those hard steps toward authenticity a little easier.
In my book, It’s Better Out Here, I talk about finding a healthy community. When I found mine, I was in the middle of walking through betrayal, and those people were a gift. I’ve wondered if we ever get over that betrayal, even when we have found our safe community. “Getting over” something implies that the experience didn’t leave a lasting wound, but it can still change us. Romans 8:28 talks about how God works through the hardships in our lives to bring about the good. We don’t get over it, but instead, we allow it to make us better. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler state: “You will not get over the loss of a loved one…you will heal, and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.”
Every hurt and betrayal in my life resulted in a time of healing and rebuilding, and I have learned how to use that experience to shape me into a better person. Now, I look back and see that God worked it out for my good. He’s good at that! I learned to love deeper and forgive stronger. And what I found was a community filled with love. God never wastes a hurt, and through them, he leads us to a place of healing.
Community is vital. Find a safe group of people who will allow you to step into your story and then watch God work miracles.